Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
