Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
