I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
