i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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