its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
