After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My legs feel like baby dolphins
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
