There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
