I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
