Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize