were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
