the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize