Someone shit on the floor
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
