Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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