I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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