bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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