i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
