I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
