i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
