I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize