strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize