have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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