Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
