Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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