do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
