I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
