beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
