the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
