we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
