Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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