just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
