You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
