The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
