my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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