Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
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