Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
