Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Randomize
