That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
