The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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