Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
my poor anus
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
