I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
