Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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