I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
