she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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