Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I can't turn off my feet"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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