I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I came so hard my ears popped.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
