Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize