RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
