Little spoons don't ask big questions
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
