My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize
