I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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