im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
