I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
