is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
