This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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