Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
