My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
