This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
