Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
